I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
