The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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