Don't you send me to vm
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
