i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We smell like vodka and hangover
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
