dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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