I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
