Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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