I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?