But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice