Already got asked if we're dating
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle