dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime