I like my sex mixed with concussions.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
