drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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