She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..