We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.