if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
