I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My ass is underappreciated
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions