Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
