he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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