Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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