you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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