I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
