The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
