Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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