I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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