Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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