well I can't set my house on fire every night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
