She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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