Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
