oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
