I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
