Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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