matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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