Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
