You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
