I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
