Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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