I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
