I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
