lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
