how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
