yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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