she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Buhtt sex?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
