We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
