my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize