i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
