Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
