Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
