Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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