I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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