Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
