Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
