apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
