Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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