when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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