You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
