I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Boobs are out for the taking
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
