I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
