I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
