ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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