I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
