You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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