I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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