We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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