don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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