My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
