do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
