i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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