I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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