I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
