remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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